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February 17, 2004

My Life as a Crack Whore

For those interested, here is the first chapter of my recently completed novel, My Life as a Crack Whore. If you'd like to see more, too bad! I may reconsider, but for today, I think one chapter is enough....

Chapter One ? Jennifer: Just Another Day

?Jennifer, what is you doin???

?Shut up, Christine, an? close the door.?

Does she want the whole place to hear her? I didn?t come in here so everybody?d know what I?s doin?; I come in here to be alone.

?Whatchou got? Is that one a them joints you rolled for Mama??

?Keep your voice down!? She knows better ?en to git me in trouble. ?An? yes, it is.?

?How?d you git it away from her??

?Aw, I done it before. She don?t ever notice. You know how she always has me roll five joints? Well, I jus? roll six and put one in my shoe.?

?That?s sick.?

?No it ain?t. It?s better ?en puttin? it in my pocket.?

Last time I done that, it got all squished up an? I couldn?t smoke it. Joints ain?t as firm as cigarettes; they break up real easy. I think it?s that thin paper you gotta roll ?em with, an? they don?t got no filter. But if I stick it in my shoe, right under where my foot curves up on the bottom, it stays nice like it?s s?posed to. Plus I can feel it there, so I don?t forgit about it.

?What?re you gonna do with it??

?I?m gonna smoke it, Christine.?

?What for??

I swear, she don?t understand nothin?. She?s only three years younger ?en me, but you?d think she was Joey?s age or somethin?.

?So I can git high, why else you smoke a joint??

?What?re you gonna smoke it with? Mama don?t let you have no lighter or nothin?.?

?I swiped one a her lighters from her purse.? Don?t she know I think ahead? I ain?t stupid.

?You ever been high before??

?I don?t know . . . I think so.? It?s kinda hard to tell. ?Prob?ly not, though. I jus? git a little dizzy, you know? But I don?t git all funny like Mama an? Daddy do, or Marcus or Angela or none a them do. But I heard this lady tellin? Angela once she smoked it nine times ?fore she finally got high. I only smoked it twice.?

?So this is your third time??

?No, Christine, this?ll be twice, if you ever quit buggin? me. Last time I put the joint in my pocket an? forgot about it, an? it got all broke up. I couldn?t smoke it. I think Mama washed it away when she did laundry.?

I know Christine an? I gotta share this room, but I still think I oughtta be able to have it to myself some a the time, an? not have her around. Usually we git along good, but havin? her around when I?m tryin? to smoke some pot jus? makes me feel bad. If she?s gonna sit on her bed an? watch me like that?I?d rather she jus? turn around or something. No, I?d rather she?d jus? leave. This won?t take me long, anyways.

?That stuff ain?t good fer you, you know. . . .?

?Yeah, I know, Christine, you tol? me all about it.? I wish she?d quit talkin? to me when I?s tryin? to take a drag. It?s hard to hold it in like you?s s?posed to when someone?s talkin? to you.

?It messes with your brain, an? can cause brain damage. Look at Marcus. See?I tol? you! You sound like you?s gonna choke to death.?

?That?s jus? cause I ain?t used to it.? I?ll be fine in a minute. ?An? Marcus don?t jus? smoke pot. He drinks an? does other shit.?

I seen ?im do it, too. I ain?t gonna git no brain damage from smokin? a little weed once in a while.

?It also ain?t good fer your lungs, like smokin? cigarettes.?

?How d?you know??

?Cause, I seen Eric clean out that pipe. You have, too. You know that black stuff he always pokes outta there? Yer stupid if you think that don?t git in your lungs, jus? like tar from cigarettes. ?Member in Miss. Armstrong?s class, that movie they made us watch??

?Yeah, I remember.? I remember Miss. Armstrong an? that movie they showed us ?bout smokin?. That was two years ago, though, when I?s in the first grade; I?da thought they?d have a different movie by now.

?Then you seen them black lungs they took outta those people that died. An? that doll they had smokin?, an? how its plastic belly got all yellow, then brown, then black . . .?

?I git it, Christine??

?You ever gonna quit coughin???

?Yes, I?ll be fine in a minute! An? I don?t think my lungs is gonna turn black from only smokin? it twice.?

Jeez, I wish she?s jus? leave me alone. I ain?t doin? nothin? wrong, good fer you or not. They?s lot?s a things that ain?t good fer you, like eating too much cookie dough. Me an? Christine did that once, when we?s over at Lisa?s. She had one a them rolls where you jus? cut the cookie off an? bake ?em. We ate damn near the whole thing, and me an? Christine?s stomach hurt the rest a the day.

?That stuff stinks, too. How you gonna keep Mama from noticin? the smell??

?I got the window open.?

?But the air conditionin?s on.?

?So?? I swear, she worries ?bout the dumbest things. ?It don?t work right, anyways. An? Mama don?t come in here much; it?s our room.?

?I bet she?ll come in here if she sees you got the window open??

?Shut up, Christine, she?s watchin? TV. The only way she?d notice I had the window open was if she went around the back of the trailer anyways, an? she ain?t gonna go outside.? Mama don?t go outside much, least not when it?s hot out like it is now.

?Is that all you gonna smoke??

?Four hits is enough, Christine.?

Last time, I made myself smoke the whole thing, my head hurt real bad for a while an? my throat hurt for ?bout two days after. There ain?t no point in smokin? the whole thing in one sittin?, anyways. It don?t git you high, an? I wanna make sure I got plenty left if it?s gonna take me nine times to do it right.

?I?ll save the rest for later.?

?What if Mama finds it??

?She ain?t gonna find it. You even seen her in here?? She never come in here before, ?less she comin? to git us for something or givin? us our laundry. She ain?t like Lisa?s mama; she don?t look through our stuff. ??Less you?re gonna tell on me. You gonna tell on me, Christine??

I wouldn?t be surprised if she told on me. She?s always makin? a fuss ?bout what doin? stuff that?s bad fer you. But I don?t think she got anybody to tell. She don?t like Daddy much?that?s why she calls him Eric. An? she don?t git along with Mama much better. But she might tell some a them people at school. I wouldn?t put it past her. She?s always suckin? up to grownups at school. She thinks they know better what?s good fer her then her own family.

?No, I ain?t gonna tell on you. You shouldn?t be doin? it, though.?

?Christine, when you gonna learn?? I swear, I knew more at her age ?en she does. ?This is jus? what people do. Jus? cause them grownups at school tell you it ain?t good fer you don?t mean nothin?. I bet they do it, too. All adults do. They?s prob?ly jus? tellin? us it?s bad cause they think we?s too young, like when they say watchin? too much TV is bad fer you.?

?Maybe . . . but I bet Miss. Armstrong don?t do it. An? I still don?t think you should be doin? it. It?s different ?en watchin? too much TV.?

She is stubborn. When she gits a idea in her head she won?t let go of it fer nothin?, don?t matter what you tell her. She?ll find out, though. When she?s a little older, she?ll see that adults jus? tell you it?s bad cause they don?t want kids doin? nothin? they?s doin?. An? when we?s all grownup and gots kids a our own, we?ll prob?ly tell ?em the same thing. I can understand it, though. Weed?s expensive, ?specially if you gotta share it with someone else.

?You better put that away. I think I hear somebody comin?.?

I bet it?s jus? Bobby. He?s prob?ly bored, since Mama?s watchin? TV. He can?t play no video games.

?Whathchou girls doin? in here??

Damn, that was close! I didn?t think Mama?d come down here.

?Jennifer! What the hell you got that window open for? Don?t you know the fuckin? air conditionin?s runnin???

?I?s cold . . .?

?Then git your ass outside, it?s plenty hot out there. Go on, shut that damn window right now! You?re lettin? all the cold air out. You?re lucky yer Daddy ain?t here, he?d beat yer ass.?

He would not. Mama?s jus? sayin? that to scare me. He don?t touch none a us, ?cept Joey, but Joey us?ally deserves it. I hope she don?t smell nothin?. Then he prob?ly would beat my ass, an? she would, too. I ain?t s?posed to be takin? weed from them, an? I definitely ain?t s?posed to be smokin? it.

?You two git ready to go.?

?Where we goin??? Good, Christine ain?t gonna tell on me.

?I?m talkin? you all over to Angie?s. I?m tried a lookin? at you kids. Runnin? around, bein? loud . . . you all ?bout drivin? me crazy.?

?But me an? Jennifer?s been in here??

?I don?t care where you been, Christine, I?m takin? you to Angela?s to play for a while. She said Lisa?s been bored, so you all can go over there an? be bored together.?

?When d?you talk to Angela?? We ain?t got no phone.

?Jus? a few minutes ago, right after I caught Joey messin? with the stove. I called her from your Grandma?s.?

?We gonna be spendin? the night??

?I don?t know, Christine. You might, so pack somethin? jus? in case. Jennifer, you pack somethin? fer Bobby an? Joey. I want you girls outside an? ready to go in ten minutes.?

?How we gonna git there?? Mama don?t drive. We gotta car, but Mama don?t never drive it. I don?t even think she got a license.

?Angie?s gonna come git you. She?s got some shit she needs from me, an? said she could take you fer a while this afternoon. She?s on her way right now. So hurry yer ass up, I don?t wanna keep her fuckin? waitin? when she gits here.?

?I?m hurryin?.? Jeez, she don?t gotta be mean about it. It?s gonna take Angela longer to git here ?en it will for us to git ready anyways.

?I hope we don?t gotta spend the night.?

?Oh, Christine, it ain?t gonna be that bad.? I don?t know what she?s got again?st Angela. She gits on my nerves sometimes, but she ain?t too bad. ?You like Lisa, don?t you??

?No. She acts like a baby.?

I guess that?s true. Lisa?s a spoilt little brat. But she don?t act anymore like a baby ?en Christine does.

?An? Angie gits mean. Remember last time we was over there? She yelled at us fer playin? with Lisa?s toys.?

?That?s cause Joey pulled the head off a one a Lisa?s Barbies.?

That was pretty funny, too. Lisa didn?t think so, an? went cryin? to her Mama, like always. Angela was pretty upset. I don?t know what the big deal was; them Barbie heads jus? snap back on. It waddn?t like Joey broke nothin? that couldn?t be fixed.

?It won?t be that bad, I promise. I?ll be there. Jus? stick with me the whole time, an? you?ll be fine. Plus, Angie?s always got some good stuff to eat.?

?If Lisa?ll let us have any . . .?

?Oh, now you?s jus? poutin?. I thought you said Lisa acted like a baby? Here you are, actin? the same way.?

?No I?m not!?

I knew that?s git her riled.

?Listen, don?t worry about it. I?ll take care a everything, an? if anyone does something to git in trouble for, I?ll take the blame, ok?? Well, she does look a little better. ?Now come on, let?s git ready to go, ?fore Mama comes back in here an? starts bitchin? at us again.?

Posted by mary at February 17, 2004 10:33 PM