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June 12, 2004
THE WOES OF THE MARRIED WOMAN
Sorry, SGL, but this one came to me last night and I had to get it out. Yours will be out sometime this weekend, I promise. You?ll just have to wait a little while longer to become offended. In postponing your blog, I hope to have succeeded in drawing out your suspense and annoying you. That said, it seems like I should follow with a really great blog, doesn?t it? Oh well.
Since my husband doesn?t visit my website, I?m not going to worry.
My dearest husband and I have been married for almost five years. I love him dearly, and show it by my loyalty and in other ways. Five years might not seem like a long time to be married to most people, especially if they?ve made it past the five year mark, but we dated for three before we got married, and?oh, screw the excuses. It feels like long enough to have learned a few things.
Yesterday I wore black lace hipsters, with silver detailing and a crotch like a rubber band, just so I could get laid. I wish they made sensible underwear that pretty, but I digress. . . . I remember putting them on in the morning. It was the first time since I bought them two months ago. I finally decided to suffer through the eternal wedge, just to please my husband. Do you think he appreciated the gesture? No. Sure, he ooh?d and aah?d, and even asked to touch, but he never saw the matching bra. He told me I was beautiful, that he loved me, and crap like that, but the rest of it was, ?I?ll be home in a little bit, I have some errands to run.?
So I gave him a little reminder: ?Stephen, it?s been three days.?
After I say that he laughs, and sometimes he?ll make a comment about how I live in dog years. He knows I?m not going anywhere, so off he goes to pick up some steel for the Hall and take-out for supper. He?s lucky I love him so much, or I might be tempted to prove him wrong.
Still, the question gnaws at me: What do I have to do around here to get laid? It would be nice if there was sure-fire trick. All the old ones that used to work when we were first married are unpredictable. There isn?t a time of day or day of the week I can depend on, nor any physical or visual deeds. I?ve tried to offer him a schedule, like every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, but that makes him feel ?pressured?.
I?m still pushing for that schedule. Everything I?ve tried worked at least once. In the beginning of our relationship, I could get away with motivating undergarments, waxing my legs, and even just makeup. Over the years, I?ve found those feminine tricks have lost their appeal. He doesn?t notice the undies, and doesn?t care if I wear makeup or even shave. Now I don?t know what does it. One time he was insatiable because I cleaned off my vanity in our bedroom. Can you believe that? It was a complete pigsty?change, receipts and other papers (trash), clothes and underwear everywhere?but cleaning a vanity? I cleaned the vanity regularly for a while after that, but it didn?t work again. Perhaps if I let it get extremely offensive and then clean it. . . .
I?ll keep trying my tricks, because I know what the problem is. Security in love creates comfort. There is satisfaction overall with life, even if life isn?t as perfect as imagined, or not even close. Comfort leads to familiarity, and with familiarity comes laziness. It?s not boredom, just laziness. Everything becomes a responsibility. It is his responsibility to remind me that I am not going to die, and my responsibility to remind him that every minute that passes accumulates wasted time, time better spent on activities like sex. I guess that?s just the way it is after you?ve been married for a while. Hard as it is, I?ll just have to accept it.
My dearest husband will be home from class soon. That leaves me just enough time to pick up the house and take a shower before he arrives. I think today is a perfect day for another reminder. And this time my persistence just might pay off.
Posted by mary at June 12, 2004 11:52 AM