I have never believed in the system of government, or political process, of the United States. I vote, to shut up those who say, “you have no right to complain if you don’t vote,” but I have no faith in the process. My vote does not count. It’s understandable, considering:

1. I live in a Republican state, where even if every single Democrat, Liberal, or Independent of age registered and voted, we probably still wouldn’t win.

2. The popular vote doesn’t count, as shown by the 2000 election. I’m sure if Bush wins the popular vote, he will not be able to keep himself from playing it up. Funny he never played up the popular vote in 2000. And if he wins the popular vote but not the election, I’m sure he’ll have something to say about that as well.

3. Not every state has the same Presidential candidates on the ballot. I’m not saying Ralph Nader would win, or that I would mind if he did, but it irks me that a person has the opportunity to become President that I did not have the opportunity to vote for. I’m still trying to figure out how that makes a democracy.

Or perhaps my vote doesn’t count because there aren’t enough active voters in the US that feel the same way I do. Regardless, the system sucks, and I do not except this year’s election to be any different than the others I have participated in.

My husband and I have been watching coverage of the election, he more faithfully than I. I got bored after an hour. Nothing changed. When I stopped watching, CNN had the number at Bush 66, Kerry 77. When I checked back, this time on CBS, the numbers were Bush 167, Kerry 109. Later, and back on CNN, the number for Kerry was 112, but I missed the number for Bush. They had some pop-up screen analyzing how Florida would go that blocked part of the counter for electoral votes. But I asked my husband what Bush’s number was.

“Who knows.” It was clear my little darling was disheartened.

“I thought it was 167.”

“Oh, that number was wrong.”

“So what’s the real number?”

“Who knows. Every channel is different.”

Indeed, they all were.

Tonight at dinner, someone said that Bush would take the election, and my mother agreed. My heart broke. How could she believe such a thing? And if she believed it, it just might be true, since she is usually right about these kinds of things. I was so disappointed I couldn’t enjoy my bloody steak.

What shall I do if Bush wins? I know what I would like to do. I would like to denounce my American citizenship and move to Canada. But would the Canadians take me and my husband? I don’t think America, and hence Americans, are popular there right now—or anywhere else in the world. Maybe England—no. Just because Tony Blair is buddy-buddy with Bush doesn’t mean the rest of the country is. I can’t think of any place that might have us. We are stuck here. I can only be resigned to it. If people in other countries hate the American government as much as I do, I wouldn’t let me in either. Maybe someone would take us under some kind of political asylum law. I’m sure I will be under investigation soon for expressing the opinion that the American government sucks, and George W. Bush is the DEVIL. My husband also had that concern, and didn’t think I should post this blog. However, there is probably little real danger, as I only know three people that actually read my blog, husband not included.

Even if there was another land that would accept us, leaving would not be so easy. My husband and I have family in America, almost all our family, and our ties to family are stronger than our ties to government. I don’t know if that bond will be sustained under the strain of Four More Years of Hell (George W. Bush), but I think there is a strong possibility. I am somewhat consoled by the fact that Bush can only hold office four more years, and then never again. Then I’ll be praying none of his cronies ever hold positions of power ever again either.

I also feel a tie to the land. America and her landscapes are magnificent. Patriotism is a mix of government and the land. America the land is beautiful. America the government is a stain on humanity and all that is just and good. I don’t think believing that makes me any less patriotic. I hate the thought of having to leave my family and homeland because of the tyranny of President Bush, his administration, and his constituents. He’s already destroyed so much of this land. If he gets four more years, he will destroy so much more. I’m sure I won’t be able to recognize it, if there is anything left.

The worst part is that I have no idea when the election will be decided. Some states are saying that they could take up to two weeks to count all the absentee and provisional ballots. It looks like Bush is in the lead so far, but I’m going to get on my knees and pray that it doesn’t end up that way. Maybe tomorrow will have some brighter news. The day after a presidential election reminds me of Christmas when I was a kid. Up before dawn, excited to see what Santa had brought me. Now I’m going to be up before dawn to see if my government can be saved or if my government will be doomed.